Terminology
m
male
f
female
fmf
f-m couple with an invited second female
mfm
m-f couple with an invited second male
mmf
m-m couple with an invited female
ffm
f-f couple with an invited male
mmm
Threesome with three males
fff
Threesome with three females
Alternative Lifestyle
Alternative lifestyle is a vague and non-descriptive term that is used to describe practices that are not a part of the normal ‘mix’ of sexual activity. Sexual activities such as homosexuality, bisexuality, BDSM, threesomes, swinging, and other similar activities are sometimes termed as alternative lifestyles.
BDSM - Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism
Activities that are a part of the BDSM alternative lifestyle, typical activities include master / slave, submissive / domineering, Bondage, Spanking, whips, and other activities that involve pain. Usually a safe word is used to let the other person know that they are uncomfortable with the progression of the activity
Light Bondage
Typically this term refers to blindfolds and / or being tied down. Generally the term is used for situations that are meant to be playful and experimental with the invited third, not going into the realm of BDSM.
Bi (Bi-sexual)
This term is somewhat disputed as there are some people believe an individual can only be straight or homosexual. Whilst this belief has some merits the danger of classifying someone who has had a limited same sex experiences or someone who is experimenting with their sexuality as being gay is dangerous. The danger of using such a limited definition is that it wrongly can be used to show that those who choose to be gay can ‘be converted’ to be heterosexual.
Instead this author believes that sexuality is on a spectrum and being bi-sexual sits somewhere between someone who has not had a same sex encounter with another person and someone who defines themselves as being gay. Granted this definition probably covers somewhere between 50% - 80% of the entire population it is nonetheless a more accurate reflection of defining someone’s sexual preference.
It is this author’s belief that bi-sexuality can be defined by either a person’s preference at a given time. For example someone is seeking a same-sex encounter for their first time. In this case their preference is for a bi encounter. Bi sexuality can also be defined by person’s repeated sexual experiences over a period of time. This would be the case where someone has had multiple partners that included both sexes. Someone who is defined by this definition would show a definite pattern of preference for either the same sex partner or the opposite sex partner. In any case the person would choose how to define themselves and their preferences as this definition allows for the individual to choose who they want to define themselves based on their preferences.
Bi-curious
One of both members of the couple may consider some bi activity with the same sex. Typically it is noted which member(s) are bi curious.
Orally bi
Typically used to denote male who is interested in bi activities and who has an interested in performing oral on another male.
Boundaries
Agreements or sometimes called rules in which the couple ’s relationship will operate after the threesome occurred and the limits of the threesome. Simply put boundaries define what everyone is comfortable with occurring in a threesome situation and it provides a safety-net in order to give all a ‘piece-of-mind’ that the threesome will not exceed what has been agreed.
Committed Relationship
Someone who is not married but is in long-term, committed, relationship. Typically they are not treated as being single by couples or those in the lifestyle.
Examples of types of committed relationships include
- living together
- engaged
- Dating over one year.
Compatibility
Threesome relationship is not a dating relationship. A decision needs to be made quickly if there is enough similarity based on stated preferences, personality, views, and other qualities that compatibility a threesome is able to occur.
Couple
A broad term that means a pairing of two people of the same or opposite sex. Typical types of couples include:
- Married Couple
- Committed
- Dating
- Friends (includes acquitances and roommates)
Co-workers
People, who work together for the same company, have a business relationship, supplier / contractor or similar working relationship.
Cuckold
A type of relationship in which one partner engages in sex with someone else while to other partner is not involved and then partner who had sex returns to their partner to share their experience. Typically the encounter is either a one off situation or limited to a few encounters. A cuckold relationship can be thought of as a mix of a threesome relationship and an open marriage.
Dating couple
Generally a couple whose relationship is fairly new and no specific commitment to each other has been made beyond dating each other exclusively.
Double Penetration
Another position in mfm threesome is where both males simultaneously penetrate the female. Typically one male penetrates the vagina while the other penetrates her anally. However it is possible that both could penetrate the same hole together.
Drama
Relationship conflict that includes but not limited to: yelling, fighting, arguing, and distance
Emotional Relationship
Sometimes referred to as a dating relationship this relationship requires similarities at a high level along with similarities at a more low-level. The objective of an emotional relationship is the establishment of a long-term relationship to meet the common needs of the couple . An emotional relationship runs contradictory to the relationship that is needed for a threesome to occur and can complicate a relationship for the couple .
Extreme
Refers to activities that are not typically considered to be regular sexual practices an example is watersports.
Forking
Forking is the opposite of spooning. Two people lie facing each other intertwining their legs. Like spooning it can be a sexual position or one that is used after having sex.
Friends
A relationship that is defined by being friends.
Initial Discussion
Period in time where first contact is made with a potential third person for a threesome until a decision is made if a threesome will occur. During this period the third person and couple learn about each other. Also it is the time when they determine is there is compatibility that will allow a threesome to occur.
Married
Reference to being legally married.
Ménage De Trios
A term sometimes used to refer to threesomes. However the translation of this term means the love of three. This term actually describes a variation of an open relationship that involves a relationship of three people.
Middle of the Road
A term used by some couples to describe their sexual preferences. Generally this term refers to sexual activities that are considered to be main stream and couples who use this term to describe their sexual activity generally do not prefer activities that are not mainstream sexual activities. For example a couple who uses this term would likely be interested in a straight encounter with a third person but not watersports.
Newbie
A couple that is having their first threesome or a couple that has limited threesome experience.
Pink Petaled /Pinkpetalled
Labia color that is pink, not brown. Term associated with not having had a child or still being a virgin.
Play
Slang word for sex / threesome.
Playmate
An a third person who is regularly invited to a threesome by the same couple
Professional
This term has a dual usage and if it is used it needs to be clarified.
1) Couple / person have a job that is considered to be professional (e.g. doctor, lawyer, accountant, manager).
2) Escort or prostitute.
It is this author’s experience that the term professional is more commonly used in regards to someone that provides a paid sexual service than someone who has a profession job such as a lawyer.
Rimming
Licking the anal opening of your partner for erotic stimulation
Risk / Risk Assessment
1) Identifying potential risks.
2) Developing a strategy for minimizing or reducing the risk
3) Looking at all risks and formulating a determination if the benefits of having a threesome outweighs the risks.
Role Playing
This involves playing out a scene such as doctor, nurse, maid, or teacher. It is advisable that boundaries are agreed and a safe word is adopted to keep the activity from going out of control.
Safe-sex
1) Sexual practices, such as using a condom that minimize the exposure to sexually transmitted diseases and minimize the risk that a pregnancy will result from having a
2) Ensuring that all risks have been mitigated in regard to having a threesome and not taking risks that are beyond what any individual is willing to accept in a threesome situation.
3) Having regular physical exams and regular STI / STD.
Safety
A broadly used term to describe practices that protects from emotional harm, physical harm, and exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.
Same Sex Contact
Sexual contact, in a threesome situation, that is made by people of the same sex. The type of contact may vary from incidental contact to the performance of oral sex or anal sex by men in a threesome situation. It is meant to describe the contact that occurs during a threesome and it is not meant to indicate a sexual preference.
Separated
An individual, who is currently married, is going through a period of separation from their spouse. This can also include those who are in the process of filing for divorce and they are generally considered to be married.
Single
An individual who is unattached, not married, or not in a committed relationship.
Soft-swing
This definition has a wide interpretation and it is best to understand how it is being defined by the couple . Normally in a soft-swing situation intercourse happens only between the couple . However female performing oral sex on the invited male or momentary penetration by the invited male can be allowed under the definition of soft-swing depending on the couple . So it is best to understand what activities are included and what activities are not allowed under the definition of soft-swing
Split Roast
A sexual position in mfm threesome where one male penetrates the woman either vaginally or anally in the missionary position while she simultaneously performs oral on the other male.
Spooning
Two people lying on their sides facing the same direction where one person holds the other person. This position can be a position for sex or it can be a position that a couple lies in after having sex.
Straight / Str8
1) Individual / couple that have no interest in bi activity with the same sex.
2) Encounter in which no bi-sexual activity occurs between participants.
Swinging
Another term used to describe threesomes. It is also used to describe other activities in which spouse(s) are swapped, spouse(s) are shared, or any group sex activity. Typically this term is used when referring to threesomes or wife swapping as a lifestyle choice.
Tea bagging
The scrotum of a male is place in the mouth of another using an in and out motion. The motion faintly resembles stirring a tea bag in a cup of tea.
Third Person
Single person that is invited by the couple to participate in the threesome.
Ticket
Single male who uses a couple or a single female to gain admission to a swingers club whose policy either limits the number of single males admitted or does not allow single male admissions.
Timewaster
Some who expresses an interest in having a threesome (usually someone who places an ad). However they do not commit to a meet, does not show at planned meeting, or continuously cancels planned meets. In essence they are someone for whatever reason wastes your time as they will never go through with an actual threesome.
These people are better left alone and if they are not moving at that you are comfortable with then move on with someone else.
Transparent
Both partners are aware what is being communicated to the third person and what third person is communicating back to them. In essence nothing being ‘hid’ from another and all are aware of what is being said. Transparent communication facilitates trust and minimizes any adverse effect of the third person on the relationship.
Unicorn
Term given to single female due to them being so difficult to find for a threesome.
Vanilla
A term used to describe those who are not into threesomes or swinging.
Voyeur
Someone who watches a couple having sex and does not participate.
Watersports
Term for peeing
What-ifs
Hypothetical scenarios that are discussed in order to understand what a threesome might involve for a couple .
Wife Swapping
Though not strictly a threesome term, this term is used when wives are swapped or shared.
Working Relationship
A relationship that is based on a common objective / goal and it is not based on emotional similarities. Unlike an emotional relationship that is required in a dating situation a working relationship only requires that the individuals are similar and meet a common objective. Low-level similarities are not necessary for a threesome / working relationship to be effective. By all three establishing a working relationship it will minimize any feelings of being developed and will keep the focus of the relationship on the objective of having a threesome.
Author: My First Threesome ™
© 2008
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