My First Threesome

Moving conversation from fantasy talk to initial discussion

May 17, 2008 | Couples, Issues, Understanding your partner, mfm

There is at least one of three starting points for a couple to start discussing having a threesome: ‘pillow talk’ / foreplay fantasy talk, directly talking about the idea, or finding a way to introduce the idea when there is anticipation that the idea will be met with some resistance. This article will not address the latter two and will look at moving the idea from ‘pillow talk’ / foreplay fantasy talk to an actual discussion to wanting to have a threesome. Though this publication may discussion some opinions in regard to moving the discussion from a fantasy discussion to an actual discussion there is not guarantee that you will be successful. Furthermore this publication will only present opinion on how to move the discussion to an actual discussion; not talk about to plan a threesome or any matter relating to having a threesome. Finally it is important to accept that threesomes are inherently risky and that anyone that has a threesome must accept that risk for themselves.

If you are considering moving the discussion regarding a threesome from fantasy discussions which occur during or after sex to discussing the idea in the cold reality of daily living you need to consider the reason for it. Is because your partner gets aroused by the idea when it is presented as a part of foreplay? Maybe the idea is discussed after sex in the ‘afterglow’ and your partner seems receptive to it. On the surface they seem to be plausible reasons for wanting to move the discussion forward but there is a danger, a logical fallacy. A logical fallacy is when there is a ‘logical leap’ is made and the wrong conclusion is reached. The logical fallacy in this case is assuming that because the idea is arousing or that the partner is open to the idea after sex means that they would like to have a threesome to happen. It may indicate that they are open to the idea or it could be the result of having sex with usually makes people more receptive to ideas that they normally would not be receptive outside of the ‘bedroom’. To base your reason to move your discussion forward solely on what you have seen in the bedroom may not produce the results you are expecting. Instead you should be looking for other evidence such as flirting with other people, an expression outside of the bedroom that indicates their interest, or some other tangible indication to indicate that your partner maybe receptive to the idea.

Not having other evidence should not necessarily deter you from having a threesome. Instead it should indicate that you may have to cautious in your approach as you may not have enough of an indication in their interest. Your next step should include finding a way to generate interest in the idea. This can be trying a role play of a threesome, discussing their previous relationship in regard to having a threesome with them, using sex toys as a part of foreplay to simulate having a threesome or trying to work threesomes into regular conversation. Trying to work a threesome into a regular conversation might be when there is a news story about a public figure having an affair you could ask do you think that they might have had a threesome that went wrong or maybe try to find new reports of people having threesomes. The purpose of this step in essence is to find a way to bridge the gap between the fantasy discussions to the discussion of having a threesome. Thereby reducing your partner’s resistance to the topic as it becomes a part of your repertoire of discussions and it gets it helps to get your partner talking openly about the subject. As you begin to bridge the discussion from fantasy to having a threesome it is important that you watch your partner’s reaction, listen to their tone of voice, and watch their body language. These will give you clues to how comfortable they are with the subject and may indicate some issues you encounter when the subject is brought up.

As you begin to bridge the gap between fantasy and the actual discussion it is important to ensure that the bridging is not long as it may tip off your partner who could lead to questioning by them about the reason for the discussion or it may inflame them which may create further conflict in the relationship. Once you begin working at bridging the gap you should also be working at discovering their feelings on the subject. If you ask did you hear that ‘X’ is getting divorce because they had an affair I wonder if they would have stayed together if they had a threesome? If you have built up to this point the question may give you an insight to how they feel on the subject and it may help you gauge where you need to take the conversation next. A bit of a warning if you are finding you are running into resistance to the subject or that your partner is totally against the idea it probably will not do you any good to continuously push the subject. Instead let the subject rest for three to six months before discussing it again. Anyhow, if you are able to begin to bridge the discussion between reality and fantasy you should be preparing your discussion on having a threesome.

The discussion about having a threesome does not need to be formal or lengthy. However it should let your partner know that you are interested in having a threesome and want to get their feelings on it. Also it should occur away from distractions and you should not be rushed for an answer. If you have been able to bridge the discussion and get them slowly introduced to the idea of threesomes as a part of your regular conversations then this conversation may happen organically, it flows from one of your conversations. In the event it does not happen organically you may have to introduce the idea by working it into a conversation. It is important that you are confident in your approach and that you do not make it too large where you overwhelm your partner with too much information. After you have brought up the idea do not expect to be having your threesome right away. For some couples it may take months or even years before they reach having a threesome. Some couples who discuss the idea never reach having it due to a variety of different reasons. Reason for this is you need to be moving as fast as the person who is least comfortable about the idea and there are many topics in regard to having a threesome that needs to be discussed. Rushing into having a threesome or surprising someone with a threesome can have devastating consequences. It is better to discuss it and plan it than to rush it.

In conclusion before even trying to move the conversation from fantasy talk to having that initial discussion about having a threesome it is important there is some evidence to suggest that your partner may be interested in the idea. Without some other evidence than what has been discussed in the bedroom there is a chance your discussions still may be successful. Regardless of the reason for moving the conversation forward it is important that you watch your partner for feedback regarding the idea of having a threesome. Their feedback through voice tone, verbal statements, and body language may give you some indications of their resistance to the idea. Therefore it is important that you plan your conversations and work at getting the idea of threesomes a part of your conversation repertoire otherwise you may find the conversation does not go anywhere. Once you have worked the concept of threesomes into your conversations it is important that you move the conversation towards having a threesome. The conversation may move organically from your discussion or it may need some prompting. In either case it is important that your conversation is thought about a head of time and that not too much information is presented. Finally just because you had your conversation regarding having a threesome there is still a lot of work that needs to be done and it may be a few years before the threesome occurs, if at all.

Author: My First Threesome ™

© 2008

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