My First Threesome

I / we are looking for a threesome where the best place to find someone is

interested in having a threesome?

Most couples and single individuals who are starting off do so alone. Reason for this is the fact that having a threesome is not a part of Western culture and since it is not a part of the regular cultural practices there is very little reference on the subject. Since there is very little reference on it those who start out need to learn on their own. For most the starting place is either using the internet or attending a swingers club. Both have their advantages and disadvantages which each person who is considering having a threesome must balance. Other possible options include finding someone through ‘word of mouth’, provided that they are into having threesomes, or using your local paper’s personal section. Finally this author does discourage the use of friends and co-workers as someone to invite for a threesome.

If my partner says no to having a threesome is it alright to find a couple on my own?

The answer to this question depends to the extent that you have developed your relationship with your partner and the status of it. If for example the two of you have been dating for three months and there are no expected children then you could search on your own for a couple to have a threesome with due to the fact if the relationship ended due to having a threesome there would not be much lost. However if you are married or have a child together the investment you have put into the relationship is quite extensive. Any breakup could potentially have some legal ramifications for you. In any event if you are in a relationship and have sex with someone else outside of the relationship without your partner’s knowledge and consent then it is cheating. Furthermore if you are married and claim to be single to a potential couple it is for most couples considered lying. Having a threesome based on dishonesty is not the way to go and it may carry some consequences for you. As always honesty is the best policy.

My partner has said that they do not want to have a threesome but they say I can if I want to, should I?

It is important that you understand the context of your partner’s statement. If it has come about because they feel as though you are pressuring them into a threesome, feeling bad because the have a lack of desire, or for some other reason they have said yes the result of going ahead with it may have devastating consequences for your relationship. It is better to wait and understand what is behind the statement than to rush to have a threesome. If it comes out that your partner is interested in having an open relationship or they fully understand what they have agreed to then it is alright to have a threesome, in this author’s opinion, provided communication between the two of you as a couple continues.

Why has my wife suggested having a threesome?

If you are thinking that she is cheating on you then most likely you are wrong. The most logical generic explanation, based on the author’s experience, is she is feeling secure enough in her relationship with you that she wants to explore her sexuality with you. For some women it may be they are a bit bi-curious and want to know what same sex contact is like but for others it may be fulfilling that fantasy of having two guys at one. In any event it is important that you understand the motivation behind the statement and the meaning in order to work through any issues that it may bring up.

My partner really wants to have a threesome but I do not should I still give them their threesome?

One of the underlying principles of having a successful and enjoyable threesome is the idea of the decision being an egalitarian decision. Meaning that it mutual decision made where both of you having an equal desire to have a threesome. However one of the underlying principles of Western society is the practice of putting the needs of others before your own needs. In principle this is an excellent value to have but like every other value there are limits to it. One of the limits is when putting the needs of others can have an adverse impact on you. The negative of impact of putting the need of someone else before yours can be seen in a threesome situation. Participating in a threesome when you do not have a desire or your desire is not as strong as your partner’s is often referred to as ‘taking one for the team’. ‘Taking one for the team’ rarely leads to you enjoying the threesome and can lead to hurt feelings afterwards. Being honest about your feelings and desires is what needed, not is subverting them to make your partner happy.

I want to have a threesome but my partner is reluctant is it alright to pressure them?

Putting pressure on your partner to have a threesome or using any other coercive technique to bring about a threesome most likely will have a negative impact on your relationship with them. In order for the two of you to have an enjoyable threesome both of you want to have a threesome, equally.

My partner and I want to have a threesome but we are not able to agree on the boundaries , should we still have one?

Having a threesome requires negotiating, compromising, and discussing with your partner. It is unrealistic to expect that you will be 100% in agreement 100% of the time. Ideally you should the two of you should agree on boundaries before having a threesome. If not, then it is likely that miscommunication will occur and hurt feelings too.

Author: My First Threesome ™

© 2008

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